


like everything is alright

by middnighter



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern Corps (Comics), Justice League International (Comics)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Grief/Mourning, Kyle Rayner (mentioned), M/M, Ted Kord (mentioned) - Freeform, dealing with the deaths of your respective best friends, that you may have been a little bit in love with
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 06:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/middnighter/pseuds/middnighter
Summary: Guy wished he had more pictures of Kyle.The thought that his memories of the good times spent together would one day fade away wasn’t bearable. So he constructed pictures of them, programming his ring to keep them alive even when he was asleep or focused on something else.alternative title: “what if guy gardner had to deal with his emotions in a normal way instead of becoming the living embodiment of rage”





	like everything is alright

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't happy that we never really got to see Guy mourning Kyle after his death, so this fic happened. 
> 
> I took some liberties with the timeline. Guy never became a Red Lantern, Kyle didn't come back, Ted died a few years ago, and the reboot as a whole didn't happen.
> 
> Yes, all of this is super canon-divergent but someone has to account for all the emotional distress DC puts their characters through, and becoming a Red Lantern doesn't count okay

Guy wished he had more pictures of Kyle.

The thought that his memories of the good times spent together would one day fade away wasn’t bearable. So he constructed pictures of them, programming his ring to keep them alive even when he was asleep or focused on something else.

This way when he woke up, surrounded by all those images of Kyle in different shades of green, happy, smiling, laughing, it would be like everything was alright. Just for a few seconds. But it was all Guy had, and hell if he was going to give that up.

The few days that Guy had taken off after what happened turned into weeks. He hadn't reopened the bar —it wouldn't be fair. Warriors had become their thing, and he didn't want it to be back to  _his_ thing. He hadn't been back on the field either. If he saw the person who was now wearing Kyle’s ring, he had no idea what he would do.

He spent most of his days in Kyle’s studio, surrounded by his paintings and his drawings. It was the only place that felt a little bit like Kyle was still there, that felt like home.

He picked up a pencil one evening. He tried to draw some of the construct pictures, but it didn't turn out very good. He wasn't the one with an art degree, and his own in psychology seemed pretty useless right now. Well, except for giving him an acute understanding of the grief he was in, but he didn't like to think about it that way. It was too analytical, too cold, and he didn’t want to remember Kyle through that lens.

* * *

“I’m worried about you,” Hal said one day.

“I don't see why,” Guy said, picking up the brush and adding a splatter of green to the canvas.

Hal’s worry was nice, Guy guessed, and John’s was too, but it wasn't what he needed right now.

They all had lost friends before, but nothing compared to the pain in his lungs every time he breathed in. Kyle had been the most important person in his life, for years, and now that he was gone everything seemed to fade, like something had stripped all the colors away and Guy had to make out a world in grey.

Guy didn't think John and Hal would understand that. It wasn't their best friend who died that day.

* * *

The next person who knocked on the door wasn't anyone Guy had expected to see there.

“Mind if I come in?” Booster said, leaning against the frame. “I brought beers.”

Guy gestured at him to enter, putting the piece of charcoal down —the only one he had managed not to break.

Booster, as it turned out, had been told the news by Hal, and decided that Guy needed company. It had been a while since they hadn't seen each other, not since the Justice League International days. But something clicked. Maybe it was the absence of pity in his face. Maybe it was knowing that Booster had been — _still was—_ going through the exact same thing before.

“Does it get better?” Guy asked after finishing a beer. They were slumped on the couch, his feet on the coffee table. Booster had his legs crossed under himself.

“It does,” Booster said after thinking for a few seconds. “It never gets _good_ , but it gets better.”

Ted had been gone for way longer than Kyle, but the pain in Booster’s eyes was as deep it was the first day.

“How did you manage?”

Booster was silent for a moment. “I’m mentoring this kid, Jaime,” he ended up saying. "He took the Blue Beetle’s mantle. So, keeping his legacy alive.”

Guy looked at the paintings. Kyle’s, that he knew almost by heart, and his own. “I think I figured that part out.”

They talked, about Ted, about Kyle. It was easy to talk to Booster about that, in a way it hadn’t been with Hal, or John, or even Mogo when Guy had payed it a visit. Booster understood. Booster had lived that too.

It was different than what they were used too, from their friendship of the old days. There was no bickering, no puns, no playful insults, and it was probably for the best, if only for tonight.

“It hurts than anything I’ve been through,” Guy said after a few more beers. "And I've been hit by a bus once."

His expression was mirrored on Booster’s face. “Well,” he said, “it's always the hardest when you lose someone you love.”

“Did you love Ted?” Guy asked, even though he already knew the answer.

“There is no point in denying it now.” And the smile on Booster’s face was so sad it almost broke Guy’s heart.

“Did he know?”

“No. Maybe. I mean, I never told him, but then at least half the team knew, so he probably figured it out in the end.”

“Would you have done anything differently? If you had known?”

“I think I would have told him. Out of everything, that’s what I regret the most, not telling him.”

Guy took a sip of his beer, his chest heavy. Booster’s pain had been obvious for everyone on the team, and he felt like he was only now understanding how deep it went.

“Did you?” Booster asked. “Love Kyle, I mean.”

Guy’s grip loosened around the bottle, and he almost dropped it. “Kyle was my best friend,” he said flatly. “Of course I did.”

“Ted was my best friend too. And there I am.”

“Yeah, but… that's not the same thing.” And suddenly Guy couldn't find the difference. “I’m not in love with Kyle. Am I?”

Booster shrugged. “You're the only one who can tell."

Guy threw his head back, hitting the wall behind the couch. He closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids he could see the hollow face Booster had after Ted died, the same that he saw in the mirror when he woke up at night, sweaty and breathless, after reliving Kyle’s death in his nightmares.

And he remembered Kyle, drawing him and laughing as Guy was modeling a ridiculous pose for him. The warmth in Kyle’s eyes was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. He wished he could have kept it all for himself forever.

And that was when he realized that Booster was right.

“I am,” he said, opening his eyes. He was in love with Kyle, and he only realized it now that it was too late. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand. “God, I’m so stupid.”

Booster gave him a pat on the shoulder. “It’s okay. Or at least, it will be. One day.”

Guy raised an eyebrow at him, and finished his beer.

* * *

Once Guy was satisfied with the paintings of his memories of his and Kyle’s time together, he let the construct pictures go away.


End file.
